There I am, doing a bit of vacuuming in our “posh” (supposedly less Beagled lounge) and I see that one of our ornaments needs a bit of dusting. The ornament in question is a polished lump of tree that has a number of alabaster eggs in it. As I start the dusting process, I notice something in the tree that isn’t an egg. At first I assume it’s some smelly potpourri thing that Susan’s put in there, but when I pick it up to dust it, I realise that while it is a bit smelly, it’s certainly not a regular potpourri item. It is in fact a small hard dog shit, specifically the kind of dropping that Biggles was producing before we added roughage to his diet.
The fact that Biggles had pooped in the house was not overly surprising; before we added roughage to his meals he would frequently get “caught short” and have to do an emergency trouser drop wherever he happened to be. This however was no accident; this was precision ninja-like pooing at its finest. I’ve seen him do stunt-poops on walks and I know the level of skill and planning that it’s involved. He’s pooped through the gaps in fences, left logs on the tops of surprisingly high tree stumps and on the tops of flowers, and as previously documented, he has successfully taken a dump on Poppy’s head.
In order to produce his little poopourri offering he undoubtedly had to reverse-park his big white bum over the ornament with some precision and then carefully push, all the while resisting the urge to go for a poo shuffle (a technique designed to create a dotted line of poops, which resembles a floppy-eared golfer preparing to putt).
The question that keeps bouncng round my head after making this find is: why did he do it? Was he trying to tell me something? Or was he just having a senior moment? Only Biggles knows, and he’s not telling. Or at least he’s not telling me. I have noticed that Monkey has started to display similar pooing skills on walks, so presumably Biggles has taken the Monkster to one side and passed on his deep knowledge of the anal arts.
