Even before I’d left the shop a little voice was telling me that I’d made a bad purchasing decision. I’d been tasked with getting a box of slow-release plant food, and on the face of it my choice was a good fit: the blurb said it would keep releasing nutrients for weeks, it was well priced and it came with 25% extra free. Still there was no getting away from the fact I’d just paid good money to get 2.25kg of dried, sanitised chicken droppings, knowing full well that our Beagles have a major poop habit. I kept reassuring myself that neither of Beanie nor Biggles had ever shown interest in fresh chicken poop; one of the farms on our regular walks has chickens running around freely, and though the pups have sometimes returned with fowl-smelling shoulders, they’ve never snacked on the stuff.
When I showed the box to Susan she reacted as though I’d returned with magic beans instead of plant food, but she used it anyway. It’s possible that in the morning we’d have woken to multiple giant beanstalks towering over our garden, but those pellets never got a chance to do their thing.
It was night time when it happened. After the ritual teeth-brushing I escorted the pups through the kitchen and out into the garden for their pre-bed toilet visit. It was warm and still outside, and by the time I’d used my toe to hasten Biggles’ departure through the patio doors a load of midges had sneaked in and were now dancing around on the ceiling. I quickly closed the door and spray-killed the nasty little buggers, thinking to myself “good job I don’t have to go out there right now”.
As is often the case I heard Biggles getting into a very active discussion with the neighbour’s dogs, so I figured that Beanie would be the first one back. I waited, and I waited, and then to my surprise it was Biggles that came trotting up to the doors. I let him in, spray-killed a few more midges, then went to get a couple of dental treats – the last reward of each day, given only when both pups are tucked up in their crates. I fully expected to see Beanie waiting impatiently at the door when I got back – but still she wasn’t there. Biggles began scratching at the kitchen door and grumbling; he was focused on getting to his crate and earning his treat, but that couldn’t happen until Beanie had returned. Where the hell was she?
I turned off the lights so that I could see out of the windows and after a moment of adjustment my eyes locked on to the white tip of her tail. She was busy doing something in the corner of the patio, but there wasn’t enough light to see exactly what that something was. I briefly opened the door and called to her, shutting it before any more midges could get in. I saw the tip of her tail moving across the patio, and I assumed that she was heading back up to the door. I was wrong. The tail stopped at another location – just by a bench on the patio – and I could see it wiggling a bit as the front end of the Beanster got to work on something else. After a minute the tail moved on again and now I recognised the pattern: the little bugger was touring all our plant pots and it was easy to guess what she was doing at each of them! There was nothing for it, I just had to go out and grab her before she filled her gut with chicken manure.
I lost track of how many midge bites I suffered as I chased Beanie round the garden with my torch; I only caught up with her when she stopped off at the really big pot containing our little apple tree. She knew she was in trouble, but on the other hand those pellets were really tasty. Commands to get back in the house weren’t cutting it so I lightly smacked her bum and that finally did the trick! She hopped off the pot and scampered up to the kitchen door. Once inside I cursed her as I fired a bit more insecticide at the kitchen ceiling and felt my midge bites, but when we all finally arrived at her crate she still wanted her bed-time treat, and of course the spoiled little brat got it! I fully expected there to be some unwanted side-effects after all that chicken poop; so far there’s been no vomiting or sickness, but then again, it is meant to be slow release…
The Bigglet may have his faults, but at least he doesn’t have a chicken poop habit!
Lol, this made me laugh so much, thank you. Tbh I thought it would be Biggles not Beanie being naughty:) I often think with my beagle we give you good food, treats etc and u still need to hunt and find bad stuff to eat outside.
Hope the plants grow well :)
Thanks Kc! Yep I always take care that they have cool, fresh water in their bowl and spend ages researching the treats and food I buy for them to make sure they’re of good quality, then when the little buggers are out on a walk they drink from mucky puddles and munch on all the dodgy stuff that they can find!
we bought some organic garden fertiliser derived from cocoa shells. you can see the way this story is going. my beagle hector got into the sack before we’d even applied it to the garden, ate a large amount, was then taken to the vet for ANOTHER of the injections you get to make you sick but before it could be given, the little darling had simultaneous sickness and diarrhea all over the newly floored veterinary surgery. i dont think he was the most popular pet at the vets that day……
Tell Hector he’s won the admiration of my two Beagles. They’ve messed up surgery floors more than once but only ever from one end at a time and – with one exception – only after application of the vomit jag. Nice one Hector!