Asteroids and Biggles’ Self-Cleaning Bottom

Beanie & Biggles have just signed up for their second space adventure! Their first was to Mars; NASA rover “Curiosity” is still carrying our two intrepid Beagles’ names in its belly as it goes walkies on the red planet. This time around though the destination isn’t another world but a potentially Earth-impacting asteroid called “Bennu”. The OSIRIS-REx spacecraft is going to travel to it, hang out on it for 500 days or so, then send a poobag full of scoopings back to Earth sometime in 2023. Just like Curiosity the craft will carry the names of anyone and everyone who declares an interest in the project, even if they have waggy tails and big floppy ears. If you want to sign up either for yourself or for your dogglets, here’s the page to visit:

http://www.planetary.org/get-involved/messages/bennu/

Participation is free and you’ll get a downloadable certificate that looks something like these two:

Not many people know this, but in addition to his keen interest in space, Biggles is always looking for ways to improve daily life for his long-suffering humies. He’s modified countless socks to increase ventilation and keep our feet from overheating on long walks, he’s nibbled the tops of my wellies so that I can easily tell them apart from Susan’s, and he’s always collecting dirty cups, knives, forks and spoons and taking them down into his corridor ready for transportation to the kitchen. His latest idea puts all that in the shade however, because he’s found a way to make all Beagle bottoms self cleaning. Like all great ideas it’s simple and uses materials that are readily available in most households:

• Step 1: Obtain a towel. These can usually be sourced from washrooms, unattended sports bags, or the “to be washed” pile in the utility room (assuming you can sneak in there without being noticed, and let’s face it, any dog who can’t do this doesn’t deserve to be called a Beagle)
• Step 2: Cut out a portion of the towel using your chewing gear. You can go with pretty much any shape you want, though Biggles himself prefers ellipses. Just make sure you get around 5-6 square inches of material.
• Step 3: Swallow the portion of towel you’ve cut out.

In true Blue Peter tradition, here’s one that Biggles prepared earlier.
Along with a stray cup and fork of course..

That’s literally all there is to it. Once that towel portion makes it way through and out the other end, you’ll have a sparkly clean bum-hole without any further effort. Yeah, I know what you’re saying to yourself: “That’s so simple it’s genius! Why hasn’t anyone thought of it before!!??” Well, that’s the kind of innovative, labor-saving idea that Biggles comes up with any time we don’t keep a good eye on him.