If only…
I read a comment on a forum somewhere to the effect that dogs have no sense of propriety when it comes to taking a dump outside. With our Beagles, that is most definitely NOT the case. They are acutely aware of when and where it would be most improper, inconvenient or embarrassing to do a “squatting hunchback” impersonation, and it is exactly in those situations that they insist on doing it.
Beanie is very much an in-your-face rebellious pooper. Quite often when we’re on our beach run I’ll take us out on the sand but return via the grassy dunes that border a golf course. We get very close to golfers in places, and it’s usually at these times that Beanie decides to do a very protracted and conspicuous poo. While she’s squatting we usually get some disdainful looks from the golfers (even though we’re on a public right-of-way) and all the while we’re there, there’s the possibility of one of us, probably me, getting hit by an errant ball. When she’s finished and I’m in the process of bagging her poo she insists on a particularly blatant scuffing of the grass with her rear legs, covering me in sand & grass and earning another look of displeasure from the golfers. Nice, thanks Beanie.
She can also be a bit of a pain when we’re rushing to take her on a car journey. She waits until we’re almost ready to go, then begs to be let out to the garden for an urgent appointment with the grass throne. At any other time such duties are concluded quickly and efficiently, but when we’re waiting for her, she takes.. ages.. Now I know you what you’re thinking: it’s just the old “watched kettle never boils” thing. It isn’t. She genuinely and I’m sure deliberately takes at least twice the normal length of time; and if she thinks she has an audience, she takes even longer. First there’s the painstakingly slow hunt for the right spot. I swear to you NASA takes less time over choosing a new astronaut than Beanie takes to choose her drop zone. Then she teases us by starting to squat but abruptly changing her mind to go off on some random sniffage. Even when she’s finally done the deed, she really takes her time about coming back in. We could of course hasten her return by offering a treat, but I suspect that could make things worse!
Beanie’s pooing habits might be annoying but at least they’re not particularly dangerous. Her brother Biggles on the other hand is a daredevil dumper, an adrenaline junkie who likes nothing more than dropping one while we’re crossing a busy road. More of than not he hunches and squats just as we reach the center line, and it’s “all eyes down for a full house”. Dragging him doesn’t help; he just digs in his feet and continues depositing. How exactly am I meant to scoop up his droppings into those notoriously fiddly little bags before the next car comes along and squishes us?!!
Yep, sometimes I really wish our two would learn to use a human toilet like the rest of us. I’d even let them run off with the loo roll afterwards, as a reward.
I think your Beanie and our JB must be related!!! He’s been known to take up to an hour to find the right poo spot – squatting and sniffing but changing his mind until he finds exactly the right place. And it’s always when you’re short of time! Cassie is less discerning and will even do it in the garden, whereas JB has to be desperate to do it in HIS garden! Interesting habit that Biggles has, doing it when crossing roads – you must be the quickest pooper scooper in the North!
Usually I just get us to the other side, get the bag ready then do a second pass poo-dash to pick it up – always assuming some vehicle hasn’t already gone over it.
Good to know I’m not the only victim of poo delays though!
Lady follows the Beanie model. Plus she absolutely needs her constitutional stroll to do her business, and we get up to 3 deposits in one trip. Josie is more like Biggles, she definitely goes in the middle of the road … when the poor old Lady isn’t accidentally going in the house or her bed while sleeping. The good news is that the garden is usually poo-free because they’re both going elsewhere!
Love your stories. Ours always make a deposit on walks, then try to dash off afterwards. I think they are testing my balance when I bend down to scoop the poo. LOL
@Susan: Triple poos? That’s impressive. We occasionally get the double, but only when I’ve failed to stash enough bags in my pockets!
@Sue: Thanks Sue! I know exactly what you mean about the pulling when you’re trying to scoop. It’s like they’re thinking “If you want to scoop that’s your problem, but we want to get moving!!!”
Exactly Paul :)
And now I have to share more dog humor from The Oatmeal, since this somewhat recent post has several references to Paul’s current topic: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dog_how_see
Susan that is brilliant!
I have just subscribed!
Particularly love the bit about the non-functional human nose & farting. That bit could have been written by Biggles :)
Glad you like it, Paul! The two that resonated with me were the “Salt Flavored Meat Poles, lick vigorously,” as our old dog Jordan was a serious licker, and the part about the artificial gravity well making them heavier when you try to pick them up (I swear, Josie can go from 35 to 70 lbs!). You must also check out the cartoon on, “The terrible and wonderful reasons why I run long distances,” as you will love The Blerch. Be sure to check out The Blerch “merch” as well! Enjoy!