How is it possible that this little fellow is now four years old? Where did all the time go?

I guess the first couple of years flew by because Monkey and his then sister Poppy were just one half of our Beagle pack, but however those years got behind us, The Monkster has indeed just celebrated his fourth birthday.

For much of his life Monkey has been convinced that the world is out to get him, and has treated anything unfamiliar with suspicion. Now – as a more experienced Beagle of the world – he’s learning that not everything is necessarily a Monkeycide attempt.

He greets his harness with a wag these days instead of trying to dodge it, and trots through sea water at the beach by choice (as long as it’s not more than a couple of inches deep). He lets me clean his teeth really thoroughly, even to the point of using a descaler tool. Most impressively, he overcame much of his traditional caution when I presented him with the first of his home-baked 4th birthday biccies.

Ordinarily a UFI (Unidentified Food Item) should undergo a series of rigorous tests prior to consumption, but Daisy had speed-swallowed hers and was already looking to steal his, so Monkey took his life in his paws and put the biccie in his mouth. He didn’t chew immediately, but once he did, he clearly liked the taste of it and showed no hesitation when I offered a second serving. This was a great relief to me as my boy – despite his name – is not a huge fan of bananas (the first key ingredient) and has learned to associate peanut butter (the second key ingredient) with attempts to disguise his worming tablets. If anyone wants the recipe for these biccies, you’ll find it here.

Since his last birthday Monkey has gained an appreciation of the humie bed. He still won’t sleep under the covers, but he does like to luxuriate on it whenever he gets the chance, especially if he gets solo access. When his grunting and rolling attracts the attention of me or Susan, he thumps the covers with his tail and presents his tummy for a comprehensive tickling session.

My bond with Monkey’s predecessor – Biggles – grew very strong over the years and I often compare the two of them. Biggles’ defining characteristic was his expectation-free, happy-go-lucky attitude to life. That’s not Monkey at all – he certainly does worry about things, but he has his own equally admirable, stand-out quality: he is the gentlest, best natured dog I’ve ever known. This is especially evident in his relationship with Daisy; her puppy license expired some time ago and she can be a spoilt little madam at times, but Monkey remains the (almost) perfect gentleman towards her; he still lets her drink first when they’re at the water bowl, always holds back when they’re playing, and tolerates her evening humping session, even if it’s really vigorous and he’d rather just have a nap.

I say “almost” the perfect gentleman, because he does occasionally push her off the sofa, pretending that it was an accident and he was only stretching, but that’s not naughty or ill-natured, it’s just cheeky; if you’re a young Beagle boy and you’re not a bit cheeky there’s something wrong!

Quite frequently Susan and I reminisce about Beanie & Biggles and how they always seemed to have everything dialled up to eleven, like fictional rock band Spinal Tap. On walks they were always a handful, and whenever Susan cooked a chicken the whole neighbourhood knew about it due to the resultant wailing and woofing. Their successors Monkey, Poppy and Daisy have never been quite as “wired to the moon”, but very recently Monkey and Daisy have been playing catch-up.

The most recent chicken cook-up had them making overly frequent pilgrimmages to the kitchen in hope of taking an illicit nibble from the still cooling, foil-covered carcass. Being a short-arse, Daisy had almost no chance of turning her fantasy into reality; Monkey – standing tall on his back legs and resting his front paws and chin on the worktop – posed a very credible threat. He never actually made a try for the chicken, but he couldn’t pass through the kitchen without have a good look at it, and for some reason this brought back memories of an incredibly vivid dream I’d had way back when Biggles was a youngster.

In my dream Biggles had a pet sheep which lived in our lounge; every morning before he headed out for Beagle primary school (because in dream logic little all little Beagle boys go to school and have a pet sheep), Biggles would stand and peer over the baby gate to check on his sheep. He had a little backpack on, a school cap, a grin on his face and a very, very waggy tail. Now Monkey wasn’t wearing a backpack or cap as he checked on the cooked chicken, but his demeanour was otherwise a perfect match for the Biggles in my dream. Susan reminded me that if Biggles had ever got that close to a chicken he’d have boinged and grabbed it, or at least knocked it off the worktop into the waiting jaws of Beanie. Come to think of it, we’re very fortunate that Monkey still hasn’t realised that his unusual height combined with his jumping ability would put almost anything in the kitchen within his reach, and merely closing a door would be no barrier to him.

Daisy – unlike her innocent and unassuming brother – is very quick to capitalize on any new skills or abilities she gains. In the last week I’ve had to rescue her from the little wire-fenced enclosure around Poppy’s burial site numerous times. She got in there for the first time a few months ago – with Monkey’s help – but now she’s developed a jumping/climbing technique that lets her gain access unaided. Once in there she digs a bit (fortunately not  deep enough to uncover Poppy, but certainly enough to damage the perennial flowers we’ve planted), then she discovers that she can’t get back out and cries and wails until I come to liberate her. Susan reckons she’s now doing her fence-climbing routine just to get the kiss & cuddle I always provide as part of the rescue. Either way I’m going to have to rethink the fencing around Poppy, and that’s not the only headache that Daisy has given me recently.

Daisy was the slowest of all our Beagles to acquire toilet training, and quite recently she’s reverted to peeing in her crate. We’re not sure why this has happened; she’s a sensitive girl and we’ve had a few stressful events lately (tiles off the roof during wet, stormy weather etc), so it could be a response to that. Additionally I’m sure I’ve heard ocasional fireworks being set off in advance of bonfire night, and there’s even been a local band rehearsing some distance a way; one evening I had to bring Daisy in from the deck to stop her howling at a barely audible and not particularly impressive drum solo. Another possible cause for her pee accidents is a UTI, so to rule this out we took Daisy to the vet for a check-up, whereupon we were asked “have you got a urine sample?”. Well no, we didn’t, and I had no idea how difficult it can be obtain such a thing.

Daisy tends not signal her intention to pee in any way I can detect; she just walks along normally and then suddenly drops into a wide squat with one leg partially cocked as though imitating Monkey’s manly peeing style. There’ve been countless missed opportunities as I’ve followed her around on walks and in the garden with a low profile container in  my pocket. It only takes the lightest distraction such as Monkey squatting for a poop, and the moment is lost.

As the vet’s weekend closure loomed still without a sample, I realised I had to step things up. We took Team Beagle for a walk in a woodland close to the vet, and I wasn’t coming out of those woods without a sample of Daisy juice. For nearly the whole walk my eyes were glued to Daisy’s bum, my left hand ready for a spaghetti-western style quick draw that would serve up tupperware instead of hot lead. I must have looked quire odd to anybody we passed, but nothing was going to disturb my concentration on that little furry bum. As we apporached the final section of the walk she squatted – again without any warning – and I sprung into action, but with long grass underneath her and my knee injury hampering my ability to get close to the ground, I found it difficult to position the container. It was like the old gameshow “The Golden Shot”: left a bit, right a bit, right a bit more, but the movement of the container itself spooked her, causing the pee to be cut short. As she came back up I saw that I had in fact collected a little of that liquid gold, and thankfully the vet receptionist figured it was just enough to proceed with testing. I’m fully expecting the results to come back negative, and in the meantime I’ve installed a calming pheromone thingummy by her crate; let’s hope that puts an end to the bed-wetting and saves me from having to collect any further pee samples.

The French have a reputation for being rather amorous – a reputation that seems to be deserved, judging by a recent encounter at the beach.

The three of us had just finished our run and were heading back to the car when we spotted a cute offlead French bulldog, and he spotted us. He had ball in his mouth, but this was quickly dropped as he eagerly approached. I’m always a bit wary when an unknown dog approaches, but I saw no signs of aggression and apparently neither did Monkey, who decided that on this occasion he would protect the pack from the front rather than from behind my legs. Monkey and the bulldog briefly greeted each other, but it became clear that Frenchie’s main focus was Daisy. The sniffing quickly went beyond bumholes, and even as his owners called to him, Daisy succumbed to the bulldog’s charms.

SHGD – Start Humping, Got Distracted

It must be noted that as Beagles following in the traditions of Beanie & Biggles, both Daisy and Monkey have some pretty odd ideas about how humping works. For starters, they’re pretty sure that most of the humping should be done by the girl, typically while the humpee (in this case Monkey) is lying on his side or spread out on the rug dismembering a toy. In theory humping while standing should also be possible, but height – or in Daisy’s case the lack thereof – is often an impediment. If the boy does any humping – and it does happen occasionally – a luxury purple sofa throw is an essential part of the process (as I’ve said countless times, Monkey is a perv and the blankie really sets him off).

Note to self: check Amazon and eBay for a Beagle-sized saddle with wide stirrups; put that on Monkey and all Daisy’s humping problems will be solved. Might be worth getting her a cowboy hat at the same time. Ride ’em cowboy, yeehaww! And all that.

Anyway, there’s Daisy lying on her side on the grass, with a randy French doglet doing the rumpy-pumpy into her ribcage. Daisy doesn’t really seem to know what’s going on, Monkey knows what’s going on but doesn’t understand how it can be happening without a luxury purple blankie, and the little French bulldog just doesn’t care. I barely had time to say “Well that’s a new experience for you isn’t it Daisy?!!” before the Frenchie’s owners arrived and unceremoniously hauled him off Daisy. Daisy seemed a bit disappointed by this and the owners apologized profusely, reeling off a long list of dogs, people and inanimate objects that their little boy had humped. I was impressed by the list and I think Monkey was keen to hear more details, but it was time get back to the car and head home, so we said our goodbyes and left it at that.

Speaking of the new Beaglemobile, Monkey now feels very comfortable in there but Daisy’s taking longer to adjust. I’m pretty sure this isn’t because it smells or sounds different to the van; it’s mostly just because Monkey often feels the need to “make the bed”, leaving Daisy slumming it on cold plastic while he lords it up on a small mountain of crumpled up vetbed material. His bed-making is so vigorous that on one occasion I became convinced there was a problem with the rear axle or suspension – until that is I saw Monkey’s big head bobbing up in the rear view mirror with a mouthful of bed. Biggles was also a keen but hugely incompetent bed-maker; did Monkey learn his “skills” from Biggles or are all Beagle boys this silly when it comes to beds?

In other news, Daisy has confirmed her reputation as a functional hunter and Monkey is learning from her. Recently she found – and with Monkey’s assistance – destroyed a mouse nest by our rear fence, and caught all the former occupants. I guess I’m just going to have to get used to doing clean-up operations, but at least our two aren’t nearly as bad as a neighbor’s terrier who once returned from a prolonged AWOL session at the local park with a deer leg in his mouth!

And finally as we’ve just tipped into October I get to dump a load of September photos :)

This photo’s been my PC desktop background for three weeks now. Sometimes Daisy is just too cute!

It’s chase time again!

Daisy’s fetch is consistently good now!

Monkey and Daisy’s default waiting position when they know it’s time for walkies

The clematis we bought for Poppy is holding onto its flowers longer than anything else in our garden

It’s chase time again, again!

And again!

And again!
Just lazing about..


Just pouncing!

Just looking handsome. It is the Monkey way.